Introduction
At Candour, we understand that writing a eulogy can feel overwhelming during a time of loss. Every individual has lived a unique life, and it’s important to honour that individuality. This guide provides helpful suggestions and structure, but it is not a rigid formula to follow. Instead, we recommend using it as a tool to help you reflect and share your loved one’s story in a way that feels right to you and honours their legacy.
The Purpose of a Eulogy
A eulogy is more than words—it’s a heartfelt way to share your loved one’s story. It celebrates their life, highlights their impact on those around them, and provides a space for reflection and connection. Whether you’re sharing treasured anecdotes or reflecting on your loved one’s values, a well-written eulogy can bring comfort and inspire those in attendance. While this guide offers suggestions, remember that your tribute can take any form that feels meaningful to you.
How to Prepare
1. Reflect on Their Life
- Gather Memories: Speak with family and friends to collect stories and meaningful moments.
- Celebrate Their Personality: Reflect on the traits, passions, and quirks that made your loved one unique.
- Highlight Milestones: Consider important events, relationships, or achievements.
2. Understand Your Audience
- Think About the Setting: Tailor the eulogy for those who will be in attendance.
- Find Balance: Share personal stories that will also resonate with the wider audience.
3. Choose the Right Tone
- Be Authentic: Let your relationship with your loved one guide your tone.
- Blend Emotions: A mix of solemnity, gratitude, and even light humour (if appropriate) can create a heartfelt tribute.
Structuring the Eulogy
Opening
- Introduce Yourself: Share your name and relationship to the deceased.
- Set the Tone: Express sympathy and acknowledge the collective grief in the room.
Body
- Chronological: Share a timeline of your loved one’s life’s journey.
- Thematic: Focus on themes such as their generosity, achievements, or love for family.
- Anecdotes: Include specific stories that illustrate their character and impact.
Closing
- Recap: Summarise their legacy and the main themes shared.
- Final Tribute: End with a heartfelt farewell, perhaps a quote, a personal note, or a special memory.
Writing Tips
- Write from the Heart: Your genuine emotions will make the eulogy meaningful.
- Keep it Simple: Use clear, natural language that feels authentic to you.
- Incorporate Quotes: A favourite poem or saying can add depth to your message.
Questions to Assist Eulogy Writing
To help structure your eulogy, use these expanded questions to guide your reflection and organise your thoughts:
1. Introduction
- Who are you, and what is your relationship to the deceased?
- How did you first meet or become close to the deceased?
- How would you like to open the eulogy? (e.g., a personal anecdote, a meaningful quote, or a shared memory)
- What message would you like to convey to the audience in your opening?
2. Reflecting on Their Life
Key Life Events
- What are some significant milestones in their life? (Birth, education, career, marriage, parenthood, retirement, etc.)
- What were the challenges or obstacles they faced, and how did they overcome these?
- Were there specific moments that defined their character or shaped their values?
Relationships
- How did they nurture their relationships with family, friends, and colleagues?
- Are there stories that illustrate how they supported or cared for their own loved ones?
- Did they have a special bond with a particular family member or friend?
Achievements and Passions
- What accomplishments were they most proud of, personally and/or professionally?
- What hobbies, talents, or passions brought them joy?
- How did they contribute to their community or make a difference in the lives of others?
3. Celebrating Their Character
Personality
- What words best describe their personality? (Think about traits like kindness, humour, generosity, or resilience.)
- How did they inspire or uplift those around them?
- How did their personality shine during challenging or joyful times?
Memorable Traits
- What quirky habits, sayings, or routines made them unique?
- Can you recall a moment that perfectly captures their sense of humour or outlook on life?
- What values or lessons did they embody and pass on to others?
4. Sharing Personal Stories
- What is your most cherished memory with them?
- Are there moments where their kindness, wisdom, or courage left a lasting impression or impact?
- How did they bring people together or create special moments?
- What story do you think they would want shared as a reflection of their life?
5. Legacy
- What impact did they have on your life personally?
- How do you see their influence continuing in the lives of those who loved them?
- What values, traditions, or lessons will you carry forward because of them?
- How would they want to be remembered by their family, friends, and community?
6. Writing the Closing
- How would you like to summarise their life and legacy? (e.g., restating key themes, thanking them, or offering a final goodbye)
- Is there a meaningful quote, poem, or personal message that encapsulates their spirit?
- What words of comfort or hope can you offer the audience as you close?
- How can you encourage those present to celebrate the deceased’s life moving forward?
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I avoid in a eulogy? Avoid controversial or negative topics. Focus on positive memories, the deceased’s character, and their impact on others.
How long should a eulogy be? A typical eulogy lasts between 5-10 minutes, which is approximately 500-1,000 words.
Is it okay to be emotional during the eulogy? Yes, it’s natural to feel emotional. If you become too overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause or have someone else continue.
Can I include humour in a eulogy? Yes, as long as it’s appropriate for the person’s character and the audience. Light humour can provide comfort and relief.
Should I memorise the eulogy? It’s best to have notes or a written copy to refer to, even if you plan to speak from the heart. Most people choose to read directly from the eulogy they’ve written to ensure that nothing they’ve prepared is missed. Most service locations provide a lectern where you can place your notes for convenience. For readability, it’s recommended to print the eulogy in a font size of 14-16 points, which is usually easy to read without straining.
How can I make the eulogy personal? Include specific stories and anecdotes that highlight your relationship with the deceased and their unique qualities.
What if I’m not comfortable speaking in public? Consider asking someone else to deliver the eulogy on your behalf, or practise extensively to build confidence. Remember, everyone attending is there to celebrate your loved one’s life and honour their memory. You are all connected through this shared love, and no one expects you to be anything other than yourself. Take a moment to breathe, and remind yourself that those present are there to support you and celebrate your loved one together.
What details should I include about their achievements? Share accomplishments that reflect their passions and impact, such as community contributions, career highlights, or personal milestones.
Can I use a poem or song in the eulogy? Absolutely. Including a meaningful poem, quote, or song lyric can enhance the tribute and add a personal touch.
What’s the best way to close a eulogy? End with a heartfelt farewell, a favourite quote, or an expression of gratitude that leaves a lasting impression.
Example of a Heartfelt Eulogy
Opening
Good morning, everyone. My name is [Your Name], and I had the privilege of being a close friend to [the Deceased]. Today, we gather not only to mourn the loss of [their name] but to celebrate the life they lived so fully and so generously.
Body
[Their name] was born in [year], in [location]. From their earliest days, they had a way of lighting up every room they entered. Their adventurous spirit and boundless curiosity were hallmarks of their personality, traits that stayed with them throughout their life.
In their professional life, [their name] excelled in [field/career], making a meaningful impact on those they worked with. Yet, it was their personal life where their true passions shone brightest. They loved [specific hobbies, e.g., gardening, playing music, cooking], and shared these joys with their family and friends.
One story I’ll always treasure is [specific anecdote]. It speaks volumes about [their name]’s character—their humour, their warmth, and their ability to turn even the simplest moments into cherished memories.
Family was the cornerstone of [their name]’s life. Their love for [family members, e.g., children, partner] was limitless. They approached every relationship with kindness, patience, and a genuine interest in others. Their legacy lives on in the countless lives they touched with their love and generosity.
Closing
As we say goodbye, let us carry forward the lessons [their name] taught us—to live with compassion, to cherish our loved ones, and to embrace life’s journey with courage and joy. I’d like to close with a quote that I believe encapsulates their spirit: “[Include meaningful quote].”
Thank you, [their name], for everything. You will be deeply missed and forever loved.
Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash
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